Grief Notes: Healing Words for the Grieving Heart

    Whether you are preparing a gourmet meal in the kitchen or working on a project in your workshop having the right tools can make all the difference in how things turn out.  

When our children were school age our weeks were pretty much set. Monday through Friday there was school, extracurricular activities, homework, work, and household tasks to address. Inevitably, regardless of how packed the week was, the weekend was spent getting our car ready for the coming week. This meant my husband would spend his weekend under the hood of whatever car we had at the time. 

Since we were grateful to have transportation to get us from point A to point B, we did not complain that ours needed constant repair to stay running. It was just a fact of life for that season. 

Some repairs took longer than they should have. Not because my husband didn’t know what to do or how to make the repair. He was more than capable to address the issues. But they took longer because he didn’t have the right tools on hand. How often did he have to make do with a wrench or other tool that was sizes too big or too small. I always felt bad for him as he laid flat on his back in the cold of winter trying to make something work.

Having the right tools in life is important for accomplishing the task in front of us and it’s also important to have the right tools as we grieve our losses. Being given and learning to handle the tools of grief can help us navigate our deep sadness and intense emotions that are part of the journey.  

Techniques such as Deep Breathing, T.W.A (Talk It Out, Write it Out, Art it Out), and A.I.R, an acronym for Acknowledge, Identify and Release, can make a big difference when we are going through an especially difficult moment.  

The skills we add to our grief toolbox can help us get a handle on anxiety before it gets out of control and puts our fears in check. 

There are other skills such as exercise and stretching which helps release tension and stress, aromatherapy, cinematherapy, and music to name a few, which can help us process our loss in healthy ways. 

Grief doesn’t have to be a journey we take alone, and we don’t need to put on a brave face or struggle through without the right tools at our disposal. Enlisting the help of a trained grief and loss professional to help us process our emotions and teach us how to use the many tools available to us will be helpful in navigating our grief and assuring we can master the grief that wants to master us. 

A prayer to pray 

God, grief is hard to be in but You have supplied tools that we need to get through. Thank You.

Grief Work

Pay attention to your body. Your body won’t lead you astray. It will tell you when you’re hungry, when you need to stop and rest and when you need to sit with God in quietness and meditation. Your body won’t lie to you and learning to listen to your body during grief is an invaluable skill that will serve you even beyond your season of grief.   

    There are five words that can be especially empowering during intense grief period and they are: “Give yourself permission to grieve.” 

Giving yourself permission to grieve, to hurt, to be stunned, to feel confused, to feel your intense, unpredictable emotions, to feel lost, even angry. Is one of the healthiest ways we can grieve. 

Grief makes many demands on us. Demands which can feel counterproductive to what we’ve always known or been taught. One of my most vivid memories after my mother’s death is how uncomfortable people were with my sadness. I discovered that not even those who were part of the Christian Church knew how to respond to someone suffering a great loss. 

During prayer meetings I would hear well-meaning, but hurtful and confusing prayers such as, “Dear Lord, help pastor’s wife be happy again.” I often wondered didn’t I have a right to grieve? Was I being selfish in my need to grieve?   

People wanted me to smile, to be chatty as I’d always been, to be attentive and help them with their concerns and problems. If they thought my sadness was uncomfortable, they should have been inside my head and heart and skin! They would have known what being uncomfortable with grief was really like. 

Unfortunately, I didn’t learn until much later we need to give ourselves permission to grieve. Giving ourselves permission to grieve does not mean we’ll get lost in our grief and it doesn’t make us weak, faithless, or any less Christian. It simply means we are not in denial of what has happened to us and to our life. It means we are giving ourselves room to process and be where we are. It means we accept that our heart is hurting and broken and will take time to heal and be strengthened. 

In the entire community of faith not one person knew how to minister to my hurting heart. Not one person ever said, “take as long as you need. Feel as sad as you have a right to feel.” 

Today I know if we wait for others to give us permission to grieve or feel sad about our losses—whatever our loss—we’ll miss the hidden, unexpected treasures waiting to be birthed and released through grief. We’ll also be more likely to experience an incomplete or unfinished grief, and our grief will turn into self-destructive or unhealthy patterns and behaviors that will impact us far longer than the grief we are feeling presently. 

Just as many believe—and rightly so—that every human has the right to love and be loved, so too with grief. Every human who experiences a loss has the right to grieve their loss.   

A prayer to pray

Dear Lord, show me when I am unknowingly waiting for others to give me permission to feel my grief. When I am, help me know my grief is important and needs a place to be felt. Help me know I am the protector of my grief and it’s up to me to make room and respect it. 

Griefwork: Practice A.I.R.

Acknowledge your need to grieve.

Identify the emotions you are denying room or rejecting 

Release your feelings of unworthiness or belief you don’t have a right to grieve to God and be set free to grieve. 

  Do you feel as though you are still learning about your loved one who died? Maybe you’re the one whose job it is to clear out the home where they lived, sort through paperwork, go through old files, ordering and filing important documents and paperwork. Perhaps you’re sitting with their personal journal notes or have their Bible where they wrote notes about what they were learning. Putting down insights that helped them grow spiritually and in their faith. If so, you may be discovering things about your loved one you never knew while they were alive.

When my mother died, I learned many new things about her. Although I already knew her life had an abundance of painful trauma beginning with childhood, I learned she had more hurt in her lifetime than I knew of. So much of what I learned after her death was painful and I had a difficult time processing and finding peace.

When people die, their earthly lives are over but there is always a need to close it up completely. Legalities to address. Putting things in order. Closing out a life isn’t easy and can sometimes be painful and emotional for those who are in charge of doing so. Having a grief and loss coach can be helpful during this stage. 

Someone who can help you with the rollercoaster emotions. Walk with you as you try and process the things you learn or become aware of. 

Not everything we learn after our loved one died is bad or painful. Sometimes we also learn things that bring a smile to our face and make our heart even warmer toward them. Others might tell us of their kindness and positive interactions with them. We might treasure these new insights.

One thing we can keep in mind just like other life experiences we can find a place for the pleasant in our memory box and we can also decide to throw out the things that bring us pain. Some might say—and to a certain degree it’s true—once you know something you can’t unknow it, but God is good to help us release our painful memories regardless of how new or old so we can nurture the ones that give us joy and happiness and peace. There’s more room out in the atmosphere than inside the cramped spaces of our heart and thoughts. 

As we examine our memories—new and old—we might ask ourselves: How does this memory serve me? Does it bring joy to my heart and support my healing and moving forward in a healthy way? If so, it’s a keeper. But if we determine the memory only causes more pain, keep us stuck, feeling overwhelmed, filled with regret and cause our sorrow to deepen and bring on anxiety then they may be those we choose to put to rest.      

Grief-Work Exercise

Once you’ve decided to release the painful memories attached to your loved one, write everything out on separate sheets of paper; don’t just think about it in your head or silently. Create a ceremony to dispose of the pieces of paper. You might decide to burn them or bury them, speaking words of release and letting go as you do.

A Prayer to Pray

Lord, sometimes the things we learn after a loved one has died are hard to process and stir up strong emotions of sadness or even despair. But You are a healing God who helps us release the past peacefully. Help us release all our painful memories into Your care and hold only those that bring a smile to our face and put joy in our heart.    

During an outing to Sea World the parents of one little boy noticed how their four-year-old son squealed each time the dolphins came up out of the water, did several flips, before disappearing back into the water. 

They weren’t surprised by his reaction since he loved dolphins so much. What surprised them was his reaction when they disappeared and didn’t resurface for several minutes. Little Josha continued clapping and saying encouraging words to the dolphins. Out of curiosity his mother asked, “Honey why are you still clapping for the dolphins when they go down into the water?” 

Little Joshua said calmly, “Mommy, I want them to know I love them. I can’t see them, but I know they are there.”     

Who was it that said, “Out of the mouths of babes there is wisdom!”

Little Joshua had it right. He may have been only four years old, but he was very astute. He might not have been able to see the dolphins, but he knew they hadn’t gone far. They were merely swimming around below the surface.

The physical absence of our loved one who has died is hard to get used to. Even if they were sick and hospitalized before dying, we could still see them when we visited. But once they are no longer visible it’s as if there is a hole in our soul. Our world is not the same. 

Jesus recognized that his departure after He ascended into heaven would be difficult for his friends and ministry partners. After all, they had been together day and night for three years. He explained about the coming of the Holy Spirit who would be a lifelong companion and friend. Having the Spirit of God was like having Jesus. They wouldn’t be able to see Him, but He would make His presence known and felt.        

When our loved ones die in the Lord, they are alive. For the believer: we are born on earth. When we die our physical death life on earth is over, but we are living in heaven. Like Jesus, our loved ones have gone into heaven. Their life on earth has ended. We may live in one world and they in another, but they are very much alive. 

Because our sight is limited to the things we can see on earth we can’t see them in their present state with our physical eyes for now, but like little Joshua, we can be at peace knowing at times they’ll make their aliveness known, even if only through a tug on our heart or memory in our mind. True, we may not be able to see them right now, but one day we will.    

Grief Walk 

On days you are especially missing your loved one take a walk and spend some time talking with your loved one, expressing how much you miss them and miss seeing them. Release your prayerful conversation into the atmosphere knowing they are alive and still with you.   

A prayer we can pray when we are missing our loved one 

Lord, you’ve separated life on earth and life in heaven. Even though we can’t see our departed loved ones with our physical eyes we know they are alive, and we will see them again because one day we will be like them and where they are. Until that time when we come face to face, may we be comforted by this truth. Make us spiritually intuitive on those occasions they have come close.

 When our children were growing up sometimes they would come to me or their father with tears in their eyes. We could tell something was wrong. One look at them and we would ask, “Where does it hurt?” Sometimes they had words to describe where their pain was and sometimes, like most children, they didn’t have the words to let us know in detail. It was our job as the adult with a greater vocabulary to locate their hurt and address it.

Grief can be a lot like that. We know it hurts but we can’t always communicate where the pain is or let somebody know (exactly) what we’re feeling.

Even when you don’t have the words to say, “it hurts in my heart.” or “It hurts in my chest or stomach” or, “It hurts all over.” It’s okay for you to know your pain is real—not your imagination—and you won’t always hurt as badly as you do right now.  

An Exercise to Try:

One great exercise when you’re feeling grief-pain is to breathe through it. When we’re grieving, we tend to hold our breath—albeit subconsciously which blocks our energy flow. A deep breath in through the nose and exhaling slowly through the mouth can help ease the pain. Repeated in sets of three in and out breaths help ease the tension and opens our healing energy flow.

A prayer you can pray

Jesus, You were a man of sorrows so You know exactly what’s it’s like to hurt from grief. Help me locate my pain and give me the words so others can understand where I hurt. Amen       

  Here are some truths we can hold about loss:

First, loss is inevitable. If we live long enough, we will experience loss. It doesn’t have to be loss through the death of someone we care deeply about. It can be other kinds of losses. We might lose material possessions. We might lose our good health which impacts our strength, our day-to-day activity and interferes with the tasks we need to perform. We might experience loss of relationship with someone we have had a good or decent relationship with in the past. We may experience loss of our job which impacts our income and wellbeing. One thing we can know for sure is in our lifetime we will experience loss. 

Second, loss is universal. Everyone on earth will experience loss in their lifetime. If you are born you will face loss at some point in life. When we are grieving a loss, we may feel alone. Grief makes us feel isolated and as unique as our loss may be  somewhere—whether its halfway around the world or down the street—someone else is going through or have experienced a similar loss. There is someone who can identify with what we are going through or feeling at that moment. Conversations with others may surprise us how they have been through something similar, how their loss is a lot like what we have experienced. 

Third, the way we react to our losses is as unique and individual as we are. Even though we may have the same loss as someone else, does not mean we’ll react to that loss the same way. Perhaps our beloved dog died and while we are saddened by our long-time companion’s passing, we are not emotionally devastated, however our neighbor or friend may lose their pet and they go into a deep depression, have a difficult time managing their strong emotions. It’s not fair to compare the way we respond to loss with the way others grieve. 

Fourth, we can survive our losses. Perhaps this is one of the most important truths to learn and understand about loss. Every day we encounter people—perhaps we are one of those—who have not been able to rebound from their loss. It’s important to know that we can get through our loss—even the most difficult loss ever experienced by a human being. It may take allowing others to come alongside us and doing some grief work. It may take us learning more about the way we grieve and why we grieve the way we do. But we can get through it and get to the other side where there is a coexistence of grief and peace.    

Fifth, it’s possible for loss to result in gain. If you are in the depths of grief right now. Experiencing the roller coaster emotions that can come with loss. It may be hard to believe but loss doesn’t mean the end of all good in our life. At the time we are grieving it seldom feels like there will be anything good going forward. We might have a difficult time believing we will ever be happy again. If we have lost a loved one through death we may not feel or believe we can go on living. In fact, we would prefer to be where our loved one is. It’s okay that we can’t imagine or visualize the “good” that can come out of what we’ve been through. We don’t even have to believe what others tell us is possible, but we can trust the promises of God which He’s never broken or failed to fulfill.

Weeping may endure for a night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.—Psalm 30:5     

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forevermore—Hebrews 13:8

“It’s been said grief is not what we expect, and its reality is nothing we can imagine.”

Are you finding this to be true as you grieve? That grief is nothing like you thought it would be. What kind of surprises has grief brought you? Has it been much harder? Not as bad as you thought. Each day’s journey with grief may be more like an unpredictable roller-coaster: up one minute and down the next. Smiles one moment as you had a fond memory and a flood of tears the next as another memory of your loved one came to mind. Regardless of its unpredictability or surprises there is one constant you can count on and that’s the Lord. 

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore. His position, nature, nor nature of love, compassion and nurture toward you never change. Because Jesus is the same you can ride the rollercoaster of grief and navigate all the surprises it brings.

The Silver Lining

Jesus thank you for being my constant and consistent.        

They said to me, “Those who survived the exile and are back in the province are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates have been burned with fire. When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven—Nehemiah 1:3-4, NIV

We might automatically think God sees our grief and mourning as a sign of faithlessness but that’s not necessarily true. God knows our grief and weeping can also be our worship. We don’t need to hide our grief from God or stay away from him when our heart is heavy. We can do just as Nehemiah did and take our heavy and grieved heart to Him. God is not only our Deliverer He is also our safe place to navigate our grief.

The Silver Lining

Dear God, thank You for being a safe place to feel and navigate my grief without feeling or questioning my faith. Amen 

    This is what the LORD, the God of Israel says: “Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you.”—Jeremiah 30:2 

Have you noticed how reading the books of wisdom and the psalms in the Bible can be like reading someone’s journal notes. Solomon journaled the wisdom he shared with those who came into his courts and the psalmist’s journaled their prayers and conversations with God. David must have started journaling as a youth while he watched over his father Jesse’s sheep in the fields. 

Journaling can help us as we grieve. 

Writing can be tangible way of documenting and passing down God’s Word for future generations. It can also help us record and articulate God’s truth but also help release everything bottled up tightly inside. 

Sometimes talking about personal feelings is difficult so journaling helps us process the painful emotions and advances our healing. Our journal notes also help us see how far we’ve come in our grief. As we look back over the pages, we can see how we’re stronger emotionally and how our trust in God to get us through even the darkest season of life, has increased.

The Silver Lining

Lord, help me heal as I express my thoughts and feelings on paper

    This is what the LORD, the God of Israel says: “Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you.”—Jeremiah 30:2 

Have you noticed how reading the books of wisdom and the psalms in the Bible can be like reading someone’s journal notes. Solomon journaled the wisdom he shared with those who came into his courts and the psalmist’s journaled their prayers and conversations with God. David must have started journaling as a youth while he watched over his father Jesse’s sheep in the fields. 

Journaling can help us as we grieve. 

Writing can be tangible way of documenting and passing down God’s Word for future generations. It can also help us record and articulate God’s truth but also help release everything bottled up tightly inside. 

Sometimes talking about personal feelings is difficult so journaling helps us process the painful emotions and advances our healing. Our journal notes also help us see how far we’ve come in our grief. As we look back over the pages, we can see how we’re stronger emotionally and how our trust in God to get us through even the darkest season of life, has increased.

The Silver Lining

Lord, help me heal as I express my thoughts and feelings on paper

  When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you—Isaiah 43:2-3 

It was Robert Frost who wrote, “The  way out is through.” The same applies to grief. After any loss the best way out, the best way to experience healing and joy again is through grief. Be encouraged, you don’t need to deny your grief, ignore it, try to work around it, or suppress it. Going through will get you to that place of healing and wholeness. God is with you to help you through. He won’t let you go and as long as you keep your hand in his you will be alright to navigate the ups and downs, ins and outs, emotional rollercoaster that is part of grief. Be encouraged to go through grief it will be worth it in the end.  

The Silver Lining

Heavenly Father, help, me and give me the staying power and strength I need as I go through grief. Amen   

  For I know the plans I have for you, plans for your welfare, plans to give you a future and a hope—Jeremiah 29:11

When a loved one dies so can our hopes for a happy life or a good future. The day they take their last breath may be the last day we stop planning for the future. The day we stopped having good feelings about life and began to feel what’s the point in going forward or getting up tomorrow when everything would still be the same? 

God’s promise to Jeremiah were for him at that time, in Jeremiah’s circumstances. At the time, Jeremiah needed to be reminded that God had something planned for him: a good future and a hope but God’s promise for a future and a hope reaches down through the centuries, stretching into our lives as well. 

They are also for weary sojourners who need to have hope and need motivation to continue their way after loss has stripped it all away.

If grief is fresh having a future and a hope may not seem possible; we may not even desire it, but God will help us press through and before long our desire to continue on with life will return, having a future and a hope will be like a mother’s lullaby soothing her baby.

The Silver Lining

Heavenly Father, thank you for the promise first given to your prophet centuries ago, that still ministers to my hurting soul today. Thank you for promising that you have in store for me a future and a hope, even though it doesn’t appear that way today. Amen            

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail—Lamentations 3:22

The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. 

Right before this verse Jeremiah says, “Yet I call this to mind, and therefore I have hope (3:21).

In grief, being able to recall God’s promise of endless mercy and knowing our God is devoted to us is priceless. Especially during those moments when grief feels as though it’s going to drown or consume us.  

Our God is a compassionate, endless source of mercy and love. He is tender-hearted and understands how fragile we are. His devotion to us is incomparable and He will not let us down or leave us to struggle through grief all by ourselves. We have, not only His companionship and devotion, but we also have our Lord’s assistance. 

Just at the moment we are feeling overwhelmed or outdone by grief, God comes and spreads His comforting wing over us, paints us with His broad brush of hope, generously pours out his peace and calm so we are filled up, not with panic or feelings of desperation, but strength and knowing we can make it through.

God’s acts of mercy do not end. As Jeremiah said God’s compassions do not fail and they will not fail us in grief or any other time of life.   

The Silver Lining

Dear God, grief can be a dark and difficult journey but because You are with me, I have a silver lining that shines in the darkness. Amen        

Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word—2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

What beautiful trinitarian blessing. Because of God’s favor toward us, his loving and kind disposition, we not only have sure and certain hope for the day of redemption, but we have assurance of comfort for the day and time of affliction as we cope with loss and grief. 

There is only so much comfort the world can give us when we have experienced loss through the death of a loved one. They do not know about the certainty of heaven or eternal life available to us in grief. They know nothing about the comfort of God that transcends all emotions and understanding. They cannot point us to eternal or heavenly hope. At best, they can say our loved one is in a better place, if that. But they cannot assure us we will see them again when this life is ended and that God can ease our sorrows and drive our fears away. 

It is our faith in the promises of God, our faith in almighty God and Jesus Christ that keep us steadfast in faith and strong of heart.

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit how blessed we are to be Yours especially as we experience times of grief. It is our faith in you and our redemption that we experience heavenly comfort. Amen

 I will be like the dew to Israel; he will blossom like a lily. Like a cedar of Lebanon he will send down his roots—Hosea 14:5

Seeing my tulips growing by the side of the garage reminded me how much I will miss our neighbor. After a brief struggle with Dementia, Dorothy has gone home to be with the Lord with only a month to go before her 90th birthday.   I’ll miss our chats and her humor about life. 

We both loved roses and tulips, sharing what we have learned over the years to help them grow strong and stay vibrant all season long. Last summer Dorothy took pride in how well her bushes responded to a new vitamin and admired how well mine were doing after being transplanted to a new area of the yard.

My newly sprouting tulips, peeking through the ground after a long, cold winter are a reminder that not only does God cause flowers and trees to bloom again after a period of dormancy, but so will we! Dorothy may have had Dementia on earth but in heaven she is laughing, walking, talking, and living life to it’s fullest. She has blossomed!

Dear God, seasons of new growth can remind us , though we may leave this earth in weakness and after health struggles we will bloom again. In heaven we will be strong, and happy and death and weakness will be over for good. Amen      

 You make known to me the path of life; you fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand (Psalm 16:11)

A dear neighbor friend died recently. She didn’t make it to her 90th birthday in March. After suffering from Dementia for more than a year, and after a series of health incidents, she went downhill quickly and eventually, under hospice care, experienced a quiet death. I watch her son as he putters around. I know he misses his mother who was also his friend. I’m sure he will be trying to fill in the hole she left, not only in his life but in his heart. It's a good thing Terry can be quiet and take the waves of grief as they come. Helpful that he was raised in the church and knows the Lord. He is able to ride the high waves of grief as they hit him and stay hopeful. 

Grief can hit hard. Whether it’s a parent death, spouse, child, sibling, or dear friend our loved one’s departure can leave a hole too big to fill. Though it’s instinctive to try and fill it, it’s impossible. Our best approach is to let God fill it. To turn to God with our aching pain and big hurt. To let God’s love fill us up.

Nothing and no one can take the place of our loved one. And we will miss them. Our soul will ache for them. We will feel out of sorts and a little lost. We will feel empty inside. But we don’t have to fear the pain or try to cover it over. God will help us through; God’s love will fill us up.

Heavenly Father, grief hurts and losing a loved one can leave a big hole in our life and heart. Instinctively I want to fill in that hole; I want to make it better but I know I can’t. I pray that you will help me in those moments the hole in my heart is overwhelming and more than I can bear. Amen      

 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Isaiah 43:2-3 

Anniversaries or special dates that remind us of our loved one’s passing can be difficult to get through. When that time approaches, we may be anxious, uncertain of how we will react. It doesn’t matter how long ago they went home to be with the Lord: a year ago, three, five, ten, even decades ago when those anniversaries come, we may feel a certain way that brings back memories or tugs at our heart. The more recent their passing the more likely we may be dreading an approaching anniversary.

God told the Israelites when they passed through the waters, he would be with them, even their rivers would not overwhelm them. And when they passed through the fire the flames would not burn them up. 

God’s word was true then, and it’s true today. God help onto his people, and he holds onto us today. They struggled at times, but God was right by their side. 

What a comforting promise to hold onto as an anniversary or special date approaches following the death of your loved one. Emotionally it’s not an easy time and at times you may feel as though the wave of grief is going to take you down or flood over you, but God promises it won’t. He promises to be there with you every step of the way.

The same way the Israelites would make it through is the same way we can today: by holding onto God’s steadfast and unchanging hand. He will guide you through. He will hold onto you and not let you go.

Heavenly Father, thank you for this reminder of how I can make it through when those special dates come. I will hold onto your hand and pray you will hold onto mine. Amen      

 Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and cry to her that her warfare is ended, that her iniquity is pardoned. Isaiah 40:1-2

Gracious Father and Loving God, thank you for this assurance of comfort for your hurting people. You know exactly what we need when we need it!

That you speak tenderly to us brings comfort and encourages us. Knowing our God promises to end our warfare—not just in earthly battles between countries, but every battle we face in this life. 

After loss our battles may be emotional in nature as we are caught in the throes of emotions: one day we are up, one day we are down. We experience a battle of the mind as our thoughts go everywhere. We are tempted to disbelieve your promise of eternal life or that we will not see our loved one again. We give up on life and sometimes give up on you and being healed. We are at war with the enemy who wants to keep us locked in hopelessness, keep us in grief, keep us in fear. We are in a battle to return to joy and peace. 

Thank you for your tender and comforting words to me today, during this season of Christmas, Father. Thank you, for ending my warfare and forgiving my sin. Your promise gives me the comfort I need during a time I need to receive it. Thank you for sending your Son, our Savior Jesus to redeem us from sin and to restore us after grief and loss. Amen   

 Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and cry to her that her warfare is ended, that her iniquity is pardoned. Isaiah 40:1-2

Do you have moments or days where you think about what your loved one is experiencing in heaven? Sometimes people will describe heaven as “a better place.” But in truth heaven is better described as our perfect place and destination where all the promises of God are made real and ours forever. 

God promised his people that their warfare was ended. He came with a tender word for wearied people; a word that would comfort their soul. For those who have reached their most coveted and longed for destination of heaven, their warfare has ceased, their struggles with sin have ceased, their sicknesses are no longer part of their journey, they are not depressed, nervous, anxious, fearful. They have no bills to pay, no medical appointments or tests to endure, no troubles or worries to contend with. All their sin and iniquity has been pardoned.

Heaven isn’t just a better place it is The Place we will experience all the goodness and tenderness of God all the time! We are finally out of the enemies reach and safe in the Father’s hands.  

Thank you, Lord, for this reminder. May this comforting truth interrupt my sadness and worry. Amen  

 Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.—Isaiah 7:14

It was a special sign for God’s people to know his promise was going to be fulfilled: God was coming close, entering their darkness to bring life and peace and hope and salvation.

If there is any time in life, we need to feel God’s presence, need God to be close, it’s during our season of grief. That’s when we can feel alone and lost, confused, and hopeless. 

At Christmas we remember that God came near. We remember how God sent his Son Jesus, Immanuel to be right where we are. We can carry this truth with us into any time of the year and it can comfort our heart and reassure us. 

God has the ability to be everywhere present and when we are hurting, he is not only in heaven looking down, but beside us and within us giving counsel, consoling, strengthening, and even healing us.

Knowing we have Immanuel: God with us always can give us that needed light during the dark days of grief.       

Jesus, thank you for coming to be close to us. When we face hard times, we are never alone but you are with us. First in the flesh and now through the Holy Spirit. Amen   

 For the Lord will not cast off forever, but though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men.—Lamentations 3:31-33

God is not sadistic. He does not take pleasure in the grief or sorrows of humanity. He is not sitting in heaven thinking of ways to afflict humans—not even those who don’t love him in return—or bring misery to people. God did not create us to inflict misery upon us. He is not vengeful, looking for ways to get us back for our sin and bad conduct. 

Our pain and grief cause God pain and grief also and it’s his loving, fatherly heart that comes to help us through and emerge from our sorrows as quickly as possible. Even when we experience grief due to our own sin or poor choices God’s goal is helping us see where we went wrong, counsel us to turn our ways to him, forgive us, and help us heal.

When we are grieved because of any loss that has impacted our lives God is with us to lead us out and strengthen us so we can continue our journey. 

Heavenly Father, thank you that grief does not last always. Thank you for your steadfast love and your compassion which are a blessing on this journey. Even though my heart is grieved I will praise you for your abundant goodness and continual care. Amen     

 You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? (Psalm 56:8, ESV)

Would he ever have happiness, joy, or peace again? In his psalm, David had lost the freedom of movement; the ability to come and go at will since he was in hiding from his enemy Saul. In addition to being on the run from Saul, David had been seized by the Philistines for killing Goliath. David’s sorrows were great and seemed to be compounding by the day. He was stressed, anxious, filled with grief and sorrow. In his distress he turned to God because he knew God not only saw his distress but could deliver him from his sorrows.

No matter what kind of loss you have experienced. Whether it is the loss of a loved one, a beloved pet, a job or career, the home you have loved and built memories, your physical health, or even, like David, loss of freedom, whatever has brought you to a time of grieving and emotional pain your season of grief, your tears are not wasted. Just like David, God is taking note and each tear you wipe away, each tear that rolls down your face, God is scooping up and placing in his heavenly bottle. You can’t see it now but those same tears you shed today, in this season of pain, will be the ones that water your flowers for tomorrow’s joys and victories. No wonder David also wrote, “weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes I the morning!”

Heavenly Father, thank you for treasuring my tears and putting them in a safe place; using them to water my garden of joy for tomorrow. Amen     

 For the grieving, holidays can be an especially painful time making it hard to celebrate or feel like doing much of anything. If you’ve lost a loved one during the holiday season: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years it can be painful and emotionally distressing to get through these days when (it appears) everyone else is in a celebratory mood. The grieving may be inclined to decline invitations to parties, dinners, or gatherings with family or friends for fear of dampening the mood or atmosphere. But being alone may be the last thing that’s needed or helpful. Sometimes an intentional activity that doesn’t focus on our loss is helpful. We might not attend every party or dinner, but we might pick and choose a couple that bring us into the company of compassionate and nurturing people. Give yourself permission to enjoy the gathering. Remind yourself when feelings of guilt enter that you are not dishonoring your loved one, in fact they are having their own party and celebration in heaven. It could be that you are closest to them in spirit when you are also enjoying a festive atmosphere with caring people. 

Heavenly Father holidays can be hard for those who grieve. Help them to deny their mind that says to isolate and bring them into the presence of joy and caring people during the holidays.                 

Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope. This is my comfort in affliction, that your promise gives me life (Psalm 119:49, 50) 

Physical sickness and disease aren’t the only way we can be afflicted. We can experience affliction of the mind, heart, and soul. To be afflicted in our emotions during grief, especially the early stages, is not uncommon or out of the norm. Grief can be hard on our emotions. Sometimes we may think we’ll never come out of the darkness of our emotions. It may seem as though our heart will hurt forever. 

The psalmist reminds us that God uses his promises—which are based upon his character—to comfort us during our emotional affliction. God’s promises remind us of life: our loved one is experiencing new life and God wants us to have life also. Through his promises God leads us on a path to hope and wanting to live until it’s time to be reunited with our loved one on heaven.     

Heavenly Father, thank you for reminding me of your promises as I experience emotional affliction. Thank you for using your promise of life to give me hope! Amen        

 The righteous flourish like a palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. The yare planted I the house of the LORD; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the LORD is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him (Psalm 92:12-15)

It’s not uncommon to lose all desire to live after experiencing a significant loss. The greater the value of our loss, the deeper our grief, the more we may feel there is no reason to go on without that person or thing in our life. 

When our daughter was beginning her medical career, she worked in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). Her love of caring for infants and children eventually led her to pediatrics hospice, where she has worked for over twenty years. During her time in the NICU she saw many babies who were classified as “Failure to thrive.” These little ones would weigh heavily upon her heart, and she would often talk about how difficult it was to not be able to save their life no matter how many medical interventions or approaches they tried. 

Many factors can contribute to humans becoming failure to thrive and the grieving are not immune or exempt to experiencing this. Death of a parent, child, spouse, sibling, to name a few can impact us in such a way we lose our desire to keep living. We may experience loss of appetite, prolonged depression, loss of desire to interact and communicate with others, lack desire to participate in activities, isolate ourselves and begin to think about our own death more and more.        

To thrive means to grow vigorously, to prosper, to progress toward or reach a goal but loss can interrupt our plans and cause us to lose sight of why we set goals or press forward. Loss may cause us to think all these things are foolish and hold no real value. Our outlook on life may become bleak and we might begin to think and feel like Solomon when he says what’s the meaning of it all, all life is pointless since we all end up in the grave anyway (Ecc.9:1-10). 

Though it’s hard to think of it as such, loss can become our blessing and grief can be used as a springboard to rethink our life and what’s important. We can learn the best way to honor the one we lost through death is to live a good life and to flourish instead of thriving. God can use our grief to reorient, not only our lifestyle but our outlook on life and live honorably and authentically. Though it’s hard to see through the fog and pain of grief, some of our greatest and most impactful achievements can be ahead of us. If we hold tight to God’s hand and come under godly counsel and partnership, we can flourish. We don’t have to become failure to thrive.   

Lord, at times my loss has made me feel as though I don’t want to continue forward but I know I still have life to live and things you have in mind for me to accomplish. Please give me the will to live so I don’t become a failure to thrive. Amen 

But we do not want you to be uniformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep (I Thess. 4:13-14)

We were not expecting it in our day. We were surprised by the news that a friend from long ago had passed. It was no coincidence that as a family we had been remembering him and his wife fondly. Remembering how kind and helpful they had been and what good friends they always were. Funny, lovely people we had been blessed to spend time with and get to know. In ministry the Holy Spirit had led us to other places, and we lost touch over the years but never lost our love for them. Bill had grown in his faith under my husband’s pastorate and went from being someone who stayed home while his wife attended services to someone who was active, a vital part of the community and always making himself available and helping the church grow through his gifts and talents. 

It is what we all strive for: to be at home with the Lord. And we are happy, rejoicing when our brothers and sisters in the Lord receive their eternal reward. Who could be sad about that! No more pain or struggle with temptation. No more worries or sorrows. No more sickness to contend or problems that come with earthly life. Yet, our heart is sad also because even though they have a long list of “no-more’s” at the top of our list a “no-more-them.” That they will no longer be here with us tugs at our heart strings and we realize their “no-more’s” also mean our “no-more’s”: no more conversations, no more visits, no more working side by side, no more new memories being made. Jesus understands the grieving heart and brings comfort and cheer. Until we are reunited, he strengthens our heart, and fills us with good memories to warm our heart and put a smile on our face.

Jesus, thank you for understanding and ministering to us when we are having difficult days or moments after friends and loved ones have left this earth and at home with you in heaven. Amen  

Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them and reveal to them abundance of prosperity and security (Jer. 33:6) 

We might be familiar with the saying “time heals all wounds” but if you’ve experienced a significant or complicated loss then you know that may not necessarily be the case. Time alone doesn’t heal our wounds or soothe our sorrow. In fact, the grieving heart that is not healed will be a grieving heart, years down the road, only intensified. Unaddressed grief has a way of hiding beneath other issues, masquerading as other symptoms, leading to a calcified heart, and seeping out when we least expect it. God wants to heal our grieving heart so we can move forward in a healthy way, staying engaged and continue living life with a sense of hope and expectancy. 

Just like any other area of healing, when we are on an intentional journey to heal emotionally and from heart wounds we can do three things: 

We can stay aware of our day-to-day emotions and state of mind, acknowledge, or affirm our grief and what we’re feeling and learn to do an intentional activity that helps shift the atmosphere or thoughts when we are feeling suffocated or swallowed up in darkness, despair, hopelessness, or grief. When we learn to apply the Triple A approach to any day or our heavy emotions we will sense being led deeper into that place of strength and being renewed by God. 

Eventually, even the saddest and most difficult days will be manageable, and we will feel ourselves becoming stronger and more engaged in life, wanting to live life and knowing we can.

Lord, You certainly do “bring to it health and healing and reveal to us an abundance of prosperity of the soul. Loss is not the end and grief is not an uncoverable emotion or state of being. Time alone will not heal my grief but time plus my God and some intentional work on my part will. Amen            

My days pass more swiftly than a weaver’s shuttle; the come to an end without hope. Remember that my life is [but] a breath.—Job 7:6-7

If you’ve experienced the loss of an elderly parent or grandparent then you know that feeling of although they have lived a long time, it still doesn’t seem long enough. Somehow you though they’d be around forever. Job said one day people would be looking for him and he would be gone (7:8)

Perhaps death of loved ones, more than any other life-changing event, can remind us of the brevity of life. Remind us how quickly life can pass. Sometimes we feel our loved one was only here a moment ago and now they are gone. 

We may be able to identify with Job’s grief after losing material possessions, adult children and his own health, but we don’t have to share in his feelings about life going forward. We don’t have to share in his sentiment of hopelessness. 

Loss, even tragic loss can leave our head spinning and our heart empty and hurting, and while its natural in our deep grief to have those feelings of lostness and hopelessness its best if we don’t languish there; so we are not pulled us down and under into despair or depression.   

If we find ourselves feeling hopeless after death of a loved one it’s good to reach out beyond ourselves and have some talk therapy. Job wasn’t in the presence of those who could keep him emotionally balanced and encouraged. If anything, they made things worse. After loss, seeking godly counsel with someone professionally trained or who can empathize with our feelings and thoughts, yet can also help us see the hope we have through Christ Jesus, is an important part of healing and moving forward in an emotionally, mentally, and spiritually healthy way. 

Loss of loved ones is inevitable, and if we live long enough we’ll experience loss of older and aged family members and friends but when they die in the Lord and when we belong to the Lord their and our future is not hopeless, it’s glorious and full of life!   

Lord of life and the Promiser of eternal life, may we be renewed in hope after experiencing the death of older family members and friends. Amen

Lord, you are my greatest source of comfort when hard times come crashing into my life like strong waves crashing into the shore. As a matter of fact, you have always been my greatest and most consistent source and place of comfort. Thank you for your steadfast comfort and strength. Thank you for giving me a strong shoulder to lean on when I just need to cry-it-out, a listening ear when I need someone who is patient and unbiased to talk to. Your comforting presence is worth more to me than all the money in the world. Just because you are here with me I know I can make it through this too. In Jesus' name, Amen  

 Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.—Matthew 5:4

We’ve been through more seasons of grief and mourning than I care to count. All for different reasons. But there is one common blessing we have experienced during each one. We have experienced being comforted by God through His sustaining and comforting word and through the compassion of others. 

What a comfort to know God has made provision for and expects we will mourn on this journey. Using the prophet Isaiah’s words, Jesus was a man well acquainted with sorrows (Isa. 53). As He looked around this world and encountered spiritual darkness, lostness, grief and sorrows of others, He felt their pain but beyond this He carried the sorrows of the whole world on His shoulders and in His heart all the way to the cross. 

Paul writes comforting and encouraging words when he talks about the cycle of comforting and being comforted in I Corinthians 1:4-6. We experience sorrow so we know what it’s like to be comforted and we can turn around and comfort others with the same kind of comfort we have received in our time of sorrow. 

The best comforters are those who have needed comfort during their own sorrow. What an encouraging reminder we should not reject the comfort God sends us during our seasons of grief and sorrow.  We don’t have to see needing comfort as a weakness or be embarrassed to let others care for us. Our ultimate comfort will be experienced when we reach the gates of heaven until then we can and should allow others to comfort us during our time of need.

Thank You, Lord for reminding us You expect we will have seasons on earth where we will not only mourn but need to be comforted. Let us take the comfort we receive from others and through Your word and pass it on when the need arises. Amen      

 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress…For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.—Psalm 107:6,9  

Loss, no matter what kind of loss we have experienced, is difficult. What we have lost can leave a gaping hole in our life, create a wound so deep nothing we do seems to heal it. 

Think of the losses you have experienced over your life’s journey. Did they leave you empty? Longing? Fearful? Wondering how you would replace what you lost? 

In my own life I have experienced various losses. Going back to my youth I can remember when I watched two little girls after school each day until their mother got home from work. Monday through Friday we would be together. Helping them with their homework, giving them their snacks, watching cartoons or reading to them while we waited. At times, I would be asked to watch them on the weekend while she went out with friends or to run errands. Amy and Ginny were more than just neighbor children in my care, they had become family to me. And then their mother told me they were moving to another state. When they left, I grieved. I was a good babysitter with good references, so it was not hard for me to get other babysitting jobs, but no one took the place of Amy and Ginny. It took several years of praying and trusting God to heal my wounded heart before I healed and got over my loss. 

Your loss is important to God because it’s impactful for you. Talk to Him. Trust in Him. Lean on Him. Turn to Him. Cry out to God with your troubled heart and know He will deliver you from your distress. If you keep looking to Him and depending on Him He will fill your empty, longing soul with good things.

O God, I look to You and cry out to You. My pain and longing are great but I know You are greater and can fill me with good things. Amen    

 Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers—Psalm 1:1

This same thinking can be applied to our season of grief. Though grieving is not a sin nor does God call it a wicked emotion it should be treated cautiously. Grief can be more like the guest who comes and does not know when to exit or take leave.

Have you ever had a visitor that does not know when to go home? Maybe you tried to be as subtle. Throw out as many hints as you could without offending. Didn’t want to hurt their feelings, yet it was past time for them to go home? It’s hard when people don’t have sense of when it’s time to be on their way; time to wrap the visit up. Personally, I’d rather announce I am leaving and be asked to stay longer than to stay too long and asked to leave.

Grief needs help to exit. When we have lost family members of close friends in death, we’ll always have a sense of sadness when we think of them being gone, but it won’t always be overwhelming. But to get to that point in our emotions we have to do healthy things that support healing. Reading appropriate Scripture passages helps, sitting with a grief counselor or coach is extremely helpful. It’s not healthy to be snatched from grief, bullied out of grief, nor ignore or pretend are not grieving those only delay or cause us to have an incomplete or complex grief. 

Allowing ourselves to feel our emotions and acknowledge our grief, while at the same time not allowing our emotions to isolate us from others or God or keep us from daily activities can be one way to keep grief moving forward and out the door.

Heavenly Father I know it’s not healthy to allow my grief to keep me locked away, separated from others or you, help me to move through my grief in a healthy way. Amen     

 How happy is the man who has put his trust in the LORD—Psalm 40:4

When Ruth and Naomi returned home to Bethlehem the whole town was stirred because of them. As friends and relatives embrace them, they asked, “Is this Naomi?” Naomi said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the LORD has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?” (Ruth 1:19-21). At that moment and in that time it was hard for Naomi to see God at work or to understand in her spirit God had something grand in store for her and for ruth also all she could see and feel was the pain of her loss.    

One of the things that can happen after loss is a spiral into self-pity. While it’s normal to think of what or who we no longer have we must be careful not to allow those thoughts of what we are missing or who is no longer here for us, overtake us and send us into a “Poor Me” mindset. Grief already causes our emotions to be raw, our thoughts may race ahead and envision the worst outcomes, our heart is wounded, and fear can easily take over so being careful not to entertain self-pity is important.

The real problem with self-pity is that we lose sight of God. We may not realize it, but we have replaced God in our lives by self-centeredness or self or other reliance. Whining, complaining, looking at what we don’t have and too much introspection, especially at a time when we are emotionally, mentally, and spiritually vulnerable is not healthy. Our instinct to “lick-our-wounded-heart” can play against us and before we know it, we can end up at the doorstep of poor-me or self-pity which welcomes us in with open arms. Loss hurts but it’s also the time for us to look up to God, remembering God’s promise to never leave nor forsake us, recall God’s power at work in our life and know our circumstances are not beyond God’s control or touch. 

It's easy to see why self-pity has been described as sensitivity turned to selfishness. God wants to help us heal and recover and regroup after loss. He knows we can’t do any of that if we are in the grips of self-pity. One sure way to remain in a self-pity mode is to keep looking inwardly, refusing the ministry of God, and focusing on our loss, but the cure for self-pity is to repent of our selfishness, our independence from God, our stubbornness of self-belief and self-reliance. We can give our pain our fears and our racing thoughts to God. He will help us through our time of loss and faithfully God will help us formulate a new life and new plans for going forward.  

Heavenly Father don’t let me slide into self-pity and on the days I am entertaining a “poor me” mentality show me all I have to be grateful for. I pray heal me of self- pity and put me back on the right track. Amen               

 Whoever receives you receives me, and whoever receives me receives him who sent me. The one who receives a prophet because he is a prophet will receive a prophet’s reward, and the one who receives a righteous person because he is righteous will receive a righteous person’s reward. And whoever gives one of these little ones even a cup of cold water because he is a disciple, truly I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward. –Matthew 10:40-42

So often others do not know how helpful their kindnesses have helped us through loss. Regardless of what kind of loss we have experienced. Whether we have lost a job, a significant material possession such as our home or vehicle, a close relationship, or loved one to death. 

I can remember after the death of our son after returning home after the service, gathered in our living room, a couple from our church came by and took us to dinner. Their kindness in that moment helped us so much. We did not talk much during the meal. We didn’t even eat very much. But we could feel their warmth, their love and knew they were willing to share in our grief as heavy as it was and that meant everything. Cards that come in the mail, and these days even a caring, thoughtful or comforting text message, email from a friend living far away, phone call, someone offering to prepare a meal or do something that takes a concern off our plate, no matter how small their gesture can add up to a big kindness. 

When Jesus prepared the twelve for their first missionary journey he emphasized to them the kindnesses of others towards them simply because they were representatives of Jesus would result in a reward. For those who share kindnesses with others this is encouraging and puts joy in our heart!  

Jesus, thank you for those who are willing to extend even the smallest kindness when we have experienced loss. Please bless their lives and reward them for their kind heart! Amen               

 Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself.—Matthew 14:13

In the Old Testament the word for integrity is without blemish, being complete and sincere with soundness, uprightness, and wholeness. In the New Testament we read about honesty and keeping with good works. Grief is one of those times in life we can display and embody an integral lifestyle. When we suffer loss, we can grieve from our true self. We don’t need to allow others to shape or determine what our what grief journey looks like. Jesus grieved the death of his cousin John the Baptist. Authentic grief for Jesus included serving others; that was because He had a heart of compassion. Though He initially wanted to go off and be alone, when the crowds followed Him, He didn’t reject or turn them away, He served (Matthew 14:1-13) then he went away to be by Himself for a time. Jesus grieved His way. 

Society or others should not set the tone for our grief and what it should look like. If we are at peace with what has happened in our life we don’t have to take it hard and on the other hand even if it feels like a “small” or insignificant loss to others and they don’t feel we should be taking something ‘so hard” it is ours to judge and process. Let your grief journey be unique to you in this way you will be full of integrity, complete and whole in your journey through grief.  

Lord, help me to stay true to myself even during my grief journey. Amen  

 Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me—John 14:1

There is the grief we experience after a loved one dies. But there are other losses in life that leave us grief-stricken. Heavy-hearted. Burdened down and feeling hopeless. Over our lifetime we can experience the loss of a job or career we loved. We can have miscarriages that leave us empty and disappointed. We can lose children who go missing. We can lose spouses through divorce. We can lose material possessions: cars, homes. So many things that will impact us emotionally, mentally and give us that sense of wondering where our faith fits into the scheme of things.

Jesus was preparing his disciples for his death and gave them words they would need to lean on after he was gone; “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe in me also.” These words help us as we grieve the loss of dear ones but they can also help us as we grieve the loss of other things; when our loss may not be due to a physical death but the death or ending of something else.

We can apply Jesus’ words to our loss; whatever that loss may be. They fit perfectly for our situation. God’s promise applies to our heart’s sorrow. We can believe in God. Believe God is there for us. Believe God will show us what to do and how to rebuild. Believe God will help us move forward or begin again.  Believe God will supply every need going forward and make a way for us when we can’t see one. Believe God cares about our loss and will help us find our way through—back to that place of peacefulness. 

What a comfort God’s comfort is not limited to one type of loss, but every loss and God is reliable, a faithful presence to help us heal and move forward in life even when we don’t have the strength or will (power) to do so on our own.  

Father, thank you for this comforting word that I can lean on and be encouraged by as I grieve my loss. Amen                

 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.—Psalm 73:26 

Experiencing the death of a loved one or someone close to us can put us in the clutches of despair and hopelessness. We may even look around and wonder how we will keep going. Grief can also be the place we struggle on several levels: emotionally, mentally, relationally, and spiritually.

The psalmist wrote honestly about his struggles. Although his struggles did not rise out of loss, he struggled with what he saw in the world around him. His struggles were so intense Asaph said his heart and his flesh may fail but God was the strength of his heart; he found new faith and hope by drawing close to the faithfulness and promises of God. The same answer God gave Asaph applies to us today. 

Staying close to God in whatever struggle we are having is the key to coming through our struggle. 

Staying close to God we will have release from struggle due to disappointment, loss, and this world’s activities. God will help us overcome our struggles. After loss, He’ll help strengthen our heart and help us keep going even when we don’t want to.    

Staying close to God ended up being the solution and remedy for Asaph to be rid of his inner struggles and it’s the same for us today. God gives us strength of heart to face this life and the tough things we experience. God is our refuge from the storms of life. He does not add to our problems but comes to show us the way and to ease our burdens. 

Struggle during grief does not have to be the end of us. Grief does not have to ruin us for life or steal our joy or happiness going forward. But recognizing the faithfulness and promises of God are efficacious today, we can have renewed faith, which bring us into a new time of rejoicing and relief. Asaph found that being close to God—who was his refuge—was the answer to all his heart and soul maladies and struggles. Staying close to God is the answer to all our struggles even the struggle that comes due to loss.  

Dear God, thank you for being her for me. Loss has taken its toll on me emotionally, mentally, relationally and spiritually but I know You are faithful and will faithfully bring me through so I am in a better place, able to go on with life and even loving others…  

Stories of loss are scattered throughout the Bible. Stories about the loss of human life due to war, murder and even suicide. Stories about loss of possessions, loss of health, even loss of sexual purity and innocence. There is not a loss we experience in this life that the Bible does not have something written or recorded. 

Whatever loss we experience we come away knowing loss is difficult. Grieving is going to be part of our journey. It's unavoidable. Whether we lose something material or people, we should not be surprised that any loss can evoke strong feelings and emotions. 

In the Gospel of Luke Jesus presents three parables surrounding loss (Luke 15:1-32). Each loss is different. A farmer loses one of his sheep. A woman loses one of her coins that were part of set. A father loses one of his sons because the son wanted to spend his inheritance. And each loss resulted in strong emotions: Panic. Worry. Sorrow. 

While there is no set way to deal with loss, no set way to grieve our losses, we can know that God understands our response to loss and the pain it causes. He wants us to trust him to lead us through and that in even the deepest loss he can comfort, heal, and even bring unexpected joy.      

Father, you know how hard it is to lose the things and people that are precious to us. Give us strength to endure and to get through our grief. When we have lost loved ones in death may we be comforted in knowing we will see them again. They may be absent from our earthly lives, but they are not absent from you. Amen 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope—Romans 15:13, ESV

It’s not unusual to feel hopeless after the death of a loved one. Their absence may leave a void so large we don’t think we can come through or overcome our grief. I know when my mother died, I felt like this for a very long time. Her death was sudden and on top of that violent. The pain in my heart was almost too much too bear. In fact, it was too much too bear. The hole was too big for me to tackle.

Today I will testify that if it were not for the hope the Holy Spirit plants deep within the soil of grief that will eventually bloom—though we cannot see the prospects of it right away—I would not have made it.  

King David was someone who was familiar with the feeling of hopelessness and despair. When we are reading many of his psalms, he talks about having those feelings. In two of his psalms, he asks himself a pertinent question. He said to himself, “Why are you so downcast or depressed? Aren’t you still trusting in God? (Read Psalms 42 and 43). Jesus was also one who knew grief. The prophet Isaiah said he was going to be a man of many sorrows. 

Death is not easy. We have the examples of David, of Jesus, and so many others who put their trust in the healing power of God and the power of the Holy Spirit to rebound after grief.  It’s a beautiful and timely reminder Paul gave to say it is by the power of the Holy Spirit we can have not only hope, but peace and eventually joy.   We can be grateful that Jesus sits at the right hand of God interceding for us that we can come through our loss. That we can have more than a little hope or be filled with hope but that we might also abound in hope.   

Dear Jesus, I pray, fill me with hope so I am not despairing or hopeless after my loss. Help me remember God is still on the throne in heaven and in control of this world and each life’s journey. When I am feeling hopeless help me to pray, have faith, and… 

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds—Psalm 147:3

We can bring our wounded heart to God. We can share our anguish and emotional pain. We can know there is no sorrow on earth, no sorrow we can experience in our lifetime that God cannot bind and heal (Isa 35:10). 

The troubled heart and soul are not too much for God. People may only be able to take so much of our pain as we share it with them. Sometimes our pain is too painful for them, and they need to excuse themselves. But God has no limits on what he can hear or bear. We do not have to measure our pain in drips and drabs with our heavenly Father. We do not have to put on a happy face or have any pretense. We can be real and raw. God can hear it. God can bear it. 

God can heal it.

Dear God when I need a place to pour out and release my sorrow without fear or worry whether it is too much, I can come to you knowing you have no limits, your shoulders are as broad as the universe and the heavens. This is my comfort and peace. Amen    

We are not discouraged even though our outer nature suffers decay our inner self is renewed day after day (2 Corinthians 4:16)

Our outer nature suffers decay. Bodies break down. After decades of use they don’t work as well as they once did. Bones creak. Pain is felt in one or more areas. They slow down. Some organs don’t operate or function as well as they once did. The eyes don’t see as well and it’s as if there is cotton stopping up our ears. All reminders that these bodies are not meant to last forever. 

A sober reminder that from the day we are born we are dying. Yet this does not have to be seen morbidly, instead it can help us focus also on our spiritual journey; what will we do and where will we go once this journey is ended? When we belong to the Lord, we can rejoice that we have a beautiful destination; the second part of our journey. 

Paul reminds us that our inner self is made for eternity. Our outer self may be decaying and have an expiration date, but our inner self will live forever. Earthly death has only ended the time here on earth but the inner self—the soul and spirit live on. 

We may feel grief and miss seeing our loved one. We may grieve the absence of seeing their outer self, the physical part of them but their inner self is not dead at all but in heaven being renewed day after day. In grief we can be reminded of the beautiful Hymn Amazing Grace and the stanza that says, “When we’ve been there ten thousand years bright shining as the sun we’ve no less days to sing our praise than when we first begun.

Prayer Starter…

Jesus thank you for taking my loved one to be where you are, where he/she is being renewed day by day. Thank you that they are experiencing…  

Grief Work

memorize Paul's message about inner renewal day by day

 Surely he has borne our griefs( sickness, weakness and distresses and carried our sorrows and pains (of punishment)…and with the stripes (that wounded ) he in we are healed and made whole (Isaiah 53:4-5, AMP)

On the cross Jesus bore all our grief. Not just one kind of grief that comes after loss of death but every kind of grief we can experience on our journey.

Jesus felt the weight of our grief and endured for us. Because he bore our sorrow we can bear up under the little we are left with.

If the sorrow we feel, feels too much for us to bear imagine how hard it would be if Jesus had not borne the brunt of it on the cross. Because of Jesus’ suffering we can bear up under our grief and we can be healed from the tender wound of loss.

Prayer Starter…

Thank you, Jesus for bearing our sorrows and our grief. Because you did we can make it through and come out on the other side…

Grief Work

Spend some time with Isaiah 53:4-5. Let your heart meditate on Jesus on the cross bearing your sorrow and grief. Give him whatever is too much for you to bear  

 So Mary and Martha sent someone to tell Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.” When Jesus heard this he said, “This sickness will not end in death. It is for the glory of God. This has happened to bring glory to the Son of God.” Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. But when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was for two more days. (John 11:3-6)

Have you had those times—and maybe this is one of them—where you and others were praying hard for life, praying hard in faith, praying for the mountain of sickness to be gone, for health and restoration, interceding day and night, tirelessly and without doubt, and everything looked like it was going well but then death came. What a hard loss that is! 

When Lazarus was sick his sisters Mary and Martha sent word to Jesus to come. There was no doubt the Master could heal their brother. They knew he could do anything, including heal any disease and sickness. Yet one day passed, no Jesus. Two days passed and still no Jesus. By the time Jesus arrived Martha was angry. She confronted Jesus about his delay. If he had only been there her brother would be alive today…

When my mother was hospitalized and in a coma, we were preparing ourselves to go to her. One afternoon as I rested I heard her voice speak to me, “Cheryl, are you coming?” “I am Mama. We are getting ready and will be there very soon.” “I can’t wait that long.” Those were her last words to me. Two hours later we received the call she had gone home to be with the Lord. 

While I was heartbroken that we didn’t make it in time I always knew my presence would not have kept her from dying.

At times we can beat ourselves up with guilt or believe our presence would have made the difference. We might be believing that our prayers of intercession for life are all that’s needed to keep our loved one with us just a little while longer. Sometimes God will grant that additional time but at times, many times our prayer for life will not be answered with more time on earth for the one we are praying for but death will be the end result. they will have more life but in heaven with God.

Whether Jesus had raised Lazarus on earth or in heaven Lazarus’ sickness would not have ended in death. Just like your loved one. No matter how hard you were praying or how hard you were asking for their healing or for more time, God has answered the prayer for healing, answered your prayer for more time. He has given them all the time in the world; all the time in eternity.

You prayed, and your prayer groups prayed, and everything may have been pointing to life and healing but in the end, it didn’t turn out that way. It may be helpful and comforting to remember that the end of life on earth does not mean the end of life. Your loved one has just changed homes, living places. They are not where you can see, talk or visit with them on earth, but God promised to heal and give life and he’s done exactly that.  

Lord, I truly believed my loved one would make it through and have more earthly life to live. Today I am feeling…

Grief Work

You can confide your disappointment or even anger to God for not healing your loved one on earth. Be honest and vulnerable. God will listen and respond   

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)  

A “stronghold” is a building or position that is strongly defended. Such as a fortress set high on a hill surrounded by tall walls or guarded by hundreds of soldiers that cannot be penetrated or accessed with military might.

That’s a good picture for what the devil comes to do, entering into the mind to establish an argument (against God) supporting himself that the human mind cannot refute or tear down by itself of worldly or secular methods.

Paul says the strongholds (arguments) of the enemy cannot be torn down (fought against) with regular tactics such as reading an inspirational book, listening to self-help podcasts, praise CD’s, or repeating positive mantras to oneself. These may help but they cannot tear down. The strongholds Satan seeks to establish can only be torn down, exposed for the lies they are by using the Word of God which is truth and light.

Faith in God and his power, the Word of God and his promises is the divine power we have to fight against the war the devil wages. As Jesus said Satan is a liar and the father (creator) of lies and he is a convincing liar. Remember how he convinced Eve in the garden and at some point, every human since. 

As you experience grief and loss the devil will seek to create a stronghold (fortress) in your mind and heart. He knows if he can keep you away from the Word of God, put a lock on your heart where the word of God is stored up then he can build his fortress which cannot be torn down by the usual human tactics. 

The Word of God is your sure defense. It is the only weapon that is supernatural, powerful, and effective. The enemy cannot fight against the word of God, instead he will flee like a slug exposed by the light when the rock is lifted. Your power alone is not enough to dissuade him or cause him to let go, only the Word of God will set you free, break through the stronghold and tear down the walls of deception and darkness.

With the word of God as your companion in grief you can grieve your loss in a spiritually healthy way knowing you will not grieve forever but in time will experience light, emotional health and joy.  

God my strength and power, I pray for strength to fight, strength to resist the stronghold the enemy is trying to put in place as I walk through this season of sadness. Like the poem that says do not go gently into that dark night” I will not go gently but push back by using the word of God which is my power. I will… 

Grief work

Put all your grief and healing tools to work:

Read the Word of God, listen to uplifting Christian music, pray, and have family and friends pray with and for you and when you are having an especially difficult day or time speak the promises of God aloud, telling Satan to “get behind you,” just as Jesus did in the wilderness.

 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Rev. 21:4)

In heaven we have so much to look forward to no more tears or sorrow, crying, pain, and no more death. 

Nothing will keep grief away. It is said we grieve hardest for the things or people who have meant the most in our life’s journey. Our grief is one way of affirming the value they had on earth. 

We can accept our heavy heart as part of the grief journey. But there is one thought that can help us smile even on the roughest days. We can remember that our loved ones are free from this painful and turbulent journey. They are no longer stressed or worried about things. More than anything they are out of the enemy’s reach and will never struggle with sin again. 

These truths and many more will not only dry our tears for a moment but bring a smile to our face and comfort to our heart knowing they released from earthly toil and pain, even their most terrible memories are no more. 

Prayer Starter…

Thank you, Lord for giving us something that cheers our heart and brings peace to our troubled mind. Today I especially feel comforted knowing… 

 I love you, O LORD, my strength, the LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold…the cords of death encompassed me; the torrents of destruction assailed me; the cords of Sheol entangled me; the snares of death confronted me…in my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice. And my cry to him reached his ears…he brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me.  (Psalm 18:1-2, 4-6, 19 ESV) 

What a beautiful Psalm! David helps us remember our enemy is not just the unseen forces of evil, not even the people we can see, but sometimes the strong emotions that can overtake us! Grief can easily lead to unending sorrow and sadness; a place we can get stuck and not come out. God will rescue us from those strong emotions also. 

How befitting David’s description of these strong emotions, calling them “cords of death, assailants, entanglers, and snares.”   

The sorrow of loss can feel like the cords that wrap themselves around us, trying to strangle us, these strong emotions that assault us, choke the life out of us, try to overtake us, tangle us up, but God will come and free us. He will come and set us into an open place where we are not choking, drowning, or smothering in grief.

Prayer Starter…

Thank you, Lord for David’s words that say exactly what I feel right now. I will cling to your promised deliverance!...

Grief Work

What emotions do you need to give to the Lord today? 

 And the ransomed of the LORD shall return and come to Zion with singing; everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; they shall obtain gladness and joy, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away. (Isaiah 35:10) 

Another way of saying what Isaiah wrote here is “Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal! That means you or I cannot experience any sorrow, including the sorrow that comes with loss, that cannot be healed by God! God is that big and powerful. 

Today it may not feel like this is possible. Today, your heart may be so heavy you can’t imagine how God can being healing. today you may not be able to remember what it felt like before your loss. But as Isaiah writes and God promises there will come a time when you shall sing again, when you will have gladness and joy in your heart and your sighing and sorrow will be a thing of the past.

God’s word promises what we can’t feel yet but if he promised it then it will happen. Time alone doesn’t heal your sorrow, but time plus God will bring healing to your heavy heart!

Prayer Starter…

Jesus you are the healer. I may not feel this way today but since you promised I believe it. Please heal my heart from losing… 

Grief Work:

Meditate on the message God spoke through the prophet. Ask him to help your mind accept what your heart cannot feel right now.  

 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.—Romans 15:13

Paul writes God is a God of hope. He can fill us with all joy and peace. 

We can be encouraged that when we give our sorrow to God. We might not feel it in our spirit or mind or even body right away, but rest assured God is busy filling us up with his joy, his peace, and hope and over time we will feel and know it. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we will abound in hope. This is good news to receive in the dark days of grief. 

When we abound in something it means to be plentiful, to be filled up, to have an abundance of. God comes to fill us up with himself and his Spirit of hope. He enters in and makes sure we have plenty of and an abundance of hope so we will not run out or experience depletion in this area. 

God is our God of hope and he passes on that hope to us so we can have strength of body, mind, and soul to keep going forward and continuing this life full of hope.

Lord, thank you for filling me and helping me abound in hope even during a time I don't feel hopeful, yet, I trust in your care and your promise of hope for my life. Amen

 For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the LORD.—Jeremiah 30:17 (ESV) 

God’s promise to heal the wounds of the Israelites was like soothing ointment for their wounded heart and emotions. God’s promise to bring them back to their homeland was just what they needed to keep them encouraged. They would be able to rebuild and enjoy their freedom again. Patience was needed.

God’s promise to heal our wounds isn’t isolated to any one wound or hurt. If you’ve experienced the loss of a loved one you have wounds that are deeper than external wounds. Your wounds are not like those that remain after a surgical procedure. They go to the core of your heart and soul. They are emotional and spiritual.  

Does it encourage you to know God will also heal these wounds? The heart wounds after loss? Just like physical wounds that heal externally first, yet still need to heal inwardly. Long past the time you appear “healed” to others, the wounds you have after loss don’t go away quickly. You may be going about life or smiling on the outside but inwardly your heart is hurting, your emotions all over the place, your soul empty.  

The deliverance of God for the Israelites didn’t happen overnight. He told them in “days to come (Jer. 30:3).” They would need to hold on to God’s promise and wait for his promised deliverance. Your heart wounds will also take time to heal and in the meantime, you are to hold onto God for your promised healing and do those things that support healing.

Prayer Starter…

Lord, sometimes I want to rush things. I want healing to happen overnight. Grant me the patience I need to heal from my loss…    

Grief Work

Spend time in silence with God daily. Entrust your heart and hurt to God’s care. Resolve to be patient for your healing in the Lord. 

 Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted—Matthew 5:4

Mourning doesn’t feel like the season we will be blessed; anything but. In fact, it often feels like a time where life seems to be falling apart and everything we’ve known is being ripped from under us. The places we once felt secure are no longer, the stability we’ve felt is gone, the relationship that brought so much joy, is over, the peace or security we’ve had in the past is absent. Our hopes for the future seem to be a thing of the past. How could the absence of so much be thought of as a blessing?

What comfort to know that God does not abandon us during our time of grief. He will continue to provide for us in every way that is needed. Mourning brings us directly to the throne of God as we seek his help to endure our pain. Seek his wisdom to understand our loss. Seek his strength in our weakness. 

As James wrote, whenever we draw near to God, he will draw near to us (Jas. 4:8) it’s impossible to be in the presence of God and not be comforted or blessed.   

Jesus, you don’t don’t mislead us. You don’t make empty promises or give false hope. Hank you for the comfort you promise to bring us as we mourn any loss. Amen 

Grief Work

Let your prayers take you to God’s throne. They do not have to be formal or carefully worded. God can respond to a sigh. 

 For he knows our frame; he knows that we are dust.—Psalm 103:14

What if grieving is just a normal reaction after loss. Regardless of what your loss is. Loss of a family pet, loss of a job you loved, loss of your health and strength,  loss of a loved one in death. Whatever the loss your heart is entitled to hurt. The more you valued what you lost, the harder you are apt to grieve. You will miss what you have lost and it’s okay to grieve.

Some people try to run from grief as though by running they can escape it. Some try to busy themselves with others things believing if they don’t give themselves time to think about their loss their sadness will simply go away, some refuse to talk about their loss as if grief is something bad or negative especially if they are Christians. But not only is grief real, it is normal, and it is a healthy reaction to loss.    

God created us so we could live and experience life as human beings. We have the Spirit of God living within us but we are more than spiritual beings, we are people who experience emotions and those emotions can glorify the God who made us. In Psalm 103 God reminds us he never loses sight of our humanity and never expects us to be less than human. We can grieve our losses knowing it is an acceptable human emotion and God will use our grief for his purposes and our good.  

Thank you, Creator God, for giving me emotions, even that of sadness and grief. They are normal reactions after loss and they can also glorify you. Amen  

Grief Work:

Try accepting your grief as a normal human emotion and letting it accompany  you as pray and commune with God.  

 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me…He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted...to comfort all who mourn…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, to oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair—Luke 4:18 

A question you might be asking yourself is “Will I ever feel normal again?” Are you having a difficult time defining normal? Some have said they simply look at a new normal because it helps them cope with what can never be again. 

Have you reached that point where you have tried to enjoy the things you used to with the one who is no longer with you but have found it’s not the same? It hurts too much? It doesn’t bring a smile to your lips, only an aching and pain to your heart.

Living again may come in little steps, like an awkward dance. The old routines and activities leave an emptiness, and the new can make you feel guilty and magnify the loneliness you already feel. All of these are evidence that time alone doesn’t heal all wounds. Even after long periods wounds are still raw and the loss still hurts. What does work is placing our trust in God and knowing he is the one who is sovereign over the future and life itself. 

It doesn’t matter what we are mourning the loss of. Just knowing God has the ability to make sense of our sorrow, help us cope with our loss, and find a new way of living even if it means recreating the old wit ha different flair. God is powerful enough to help us through.    

Isaiah 61 reminds us that Christ came with the ability to bind up the brokenhearted and comfort all who mourn. To give the grieving a crown of beauty instead of ashes and gladness instead of mourning. And David said God will turn our mourning into dancing (Ps. 30:11). Even though you may not feel like dancing yet God will help your heart dance again as you ease into what will become your normal.   

Lord, I do not need to force a new normal only believe you are sovereign over my future just as you have been over my past. Amen

Grief Work

List the things you used to do with your loved one. Are there things you’d like to return to at some point? Things you’re okay to leave in your past? Give yourself permission to take as long as you need to redefine life and see what’s comfortable and what isn’t.    

And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.—Romans 5:5 (NLT) 

What are you hoping for? Are you hoping to heal? Hoping not to feel so sad/depressed/angry/emotionally drained/confused forever? Hoping there truly is life after grief? Hoping it’s really true that soon you will be able to find a new normalcy, possibly feel happy again? 

Finding courage and energy to go on with life is not easy and holding onto hope can seem challenging even on the best days during grief. Yet God says if we can keep hoping or begin to hope we will not be disappointed. Regardless of how we have been hurt, shocked, or disappointed with outcomes we can hope because our hope is not in ourselves but in Christ Jesus and what he can do for all concerned because his love is real and fills us.

Are you hoping sadness goes away? Hoping depression turns to mental peace, anger subsides, emotional depletion will be restored, confusion will lift and normalcy? Your hope is not baseless or a fairytale.

God promises that hope will not disappoint us. You won’t be disappointed because it’s not your own efforts or plans you are hoping on, but your hope is in the One who can make all things new, make everything work out, then your hope has a future.

Hoping isn’t easy nor come cheaply. You won’t be able to sit on the sidelines and hope that new life or healing will come to you because you will or wish it, but your participation is needed. All the things God promises to those who hope in him will see their blessing. Each time you read your Bible you participate in holding on to hope. Each time you trust in God, pray and believe tomorrow will be better even though you barely survived today, you participate in your promised outcome. God is your hope and as long as you hold onto God your hope is alive and well.

Lord, I hope in you don; let me let go of hope, don’t let me give up on the blessing promised to those who continue to hope. Amen  

Grief Work

Let the word of God minister to you. Build up your hope by returning to God’s word and prayer. 

 Our help is in the name of the LORD, who made heaven and earth—Psalm 124:8

What do you do when your rest is broken, or when you can’t sleep through the night as you are grieving? It’s not uncommon for people to experience insomnia during the early stages of grieving. Between an aching heart and thoughts going through your mind, a flood of memories, and emptiness that will not be consoled, sleep can be hard to come.

Have you noticed how a baby is comforted by something as small as a blanket that has the scent of the parent? When we are tired but can sleep, weary but can’t rest, we may not have the energy for long prayers or even reading long portions of Scripture but if we can say the name of Jesus, we have all the comfort we need.

The Bible says at the name of Jesus everything worships. At the name of Jesus our thoughts are quieted, our flesh is surrendered to the Lord’s care and brought into a restful place, our fears are calmed, our tears are dried, and our pain is wiped away. Jesus is the most powerful name on earth and in the universe. It is the most powerful and effective medicine we an take. The name of Jesus is enough. At times grief is too much to bear just say the name and let Jesus touch you in every way needed.

Jesus, you name is enough to help me now and always. Amen

Grief Work   

When you are feeling overwhelmed, weary, or cannot rest say the name of Jesus until you feel him enter and your peace arrives. 

 As they approached the village gate, they met a funeral procession—a woman’s only son was being carried out for burial. And the mother a widow. When Jesus saw her, his heart broke. He said to her, “Don’t cry.” Then he went over and touched the coffin—Luke 7:11—15, 16-17 (MSG)   

Some people aren’t move by tears. In fact, for some, seeing someone cry is especially irritating to them. They may become cold or insensitive to the person’s pain and even view their tears as a sign of weakness. They don’t feel tenderness or have an inclination to comfort the one crying, on the contrary they become hardened and resentful.

Just as Jesus was entering the city he witnessed the funeral procession of a widows only son being carried out. Luke records, when Jesus saw the woman weeping, he became heartbroken. Jesus let his compassionate spirit come out and spoke to the woman gently. His words “Don’t cry,” were not spoken as a criticism or insensitivity. On the contrary his heart was touched by her pain. He knew what this kind of loss meant for her and her future. Jesus was so moved by her pain he gave her son back to her.

That’s the kind of sympathy/empathy and compassions Jesus has for you in your pain. He sees your tears and he does not become cold or distanced, he does not think of you as weak or faithless. Instead, he feels your pain.

Jesus gave the widow her son back just like he is going to give your loved one back. You will not see them again on this side of heaven, but they will be waiting for you in heaven. One day you will be reconnected, and it will be even better than being on earth because in heaven there will be no more separation. On your tearful days hear Jesus’ tender voice in your ear. When he says, ‘don’t cry,’ it’s not because he is being insensitive but comforting you with promise of future reconciliation.           

Jesus thank you for your tender mercies in my pain and the promise of being reconnected with my loved one in heaven. Amen

Grief Work

Spend some time in this story with Jesus and the widow. See yourself in the scene and hear Jesus speak tenderly to you with the same promise of reconnecting you and your loved one in heaven.       

The LORD God also said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him—Genesis 1:18

It was no coincidence that the serpent isolated Eve in the garden to talk to her without Adam’s input. He had an agenda and needed to have Eve all to himself. His words were convincing enough, Eve believed him and took the bait. Of course we know what happened after that. Later, Eve convinced Adam and their disobedience led to being expelled from the Garden and original sin is the reason we experience death and loss today.

During grief we may wan to be alone. We may not have the energy to be around others. We may want to be alone with our thoughts, our pain, our memories but being alone is not the wisest place to be. God created Adam so he would have a partner to go through life with. Someone to help him and during grief we need other we need a grief partner, someone who can help us come through the dark place of grief. 

When we are grieving our emotions are raw and we are as susceptible as Eve was to the devil’s influence in the garden. Grief is one of the times in life the devil will use words that sound right, will present arguments that seem right, and counsel that feels right in order to pull us further away from the safety of God.

Our emotions and thoughts are not the only things we can’t trust when we are grieving, we can’t trust the false comfort that comes from being alone and we can’t trust the counsel we receive in isolation. 

When we want to grieve alone and close ourselves off from others we can remember what God said in the beginning, “It is not good for human to be alone. I’ll make a helper suitable for them.” And he did for times such as this.  

God, the first word of counsel you gave in the Bible was that man should not be alone. It was the first counsel we rejected. When we are grieving we may want to isolate but its not wise. We pray, help us to stay connected to others and to you. Amen

Grief Work

Enlist the help of a grief partner or join a grief group to support you as you grieve.